Letting go of perfect
// comparison may be the thief of joy but perfectionism is the thief of expression
I am quite literally affirming to myself as I begin to type out these words, these thoughts, these feelings that it does not have to be perfect — & by “it” I mean this post.
It does not have to make perfect sense. It does not have to have the perfect rhythm, the perfect flow, the perfect cadence, the perfect amount of information.
It does not have to be posted at the perfect time with the perfect title. & how I feel does not have to go from messy & wild to perfectly neat & tidy by the time I hit publish.
*exhale*
I never really understood just how long I have let perfectionism stand in my way until the last few months. Until I started digging deeper. Looking harder. Noticing more — not with scrutiny & not with judgment but with curiosity.
Whatttt the actual fck is making me feel all these awful feelings? & whyyyy the fck am I having such a hard time loving myself, expressing myself & owning who I am?
With time, with patience, with prayer — I came to see that underneath all the reasons, the excuses, the fears has been one common thread.
The pressure to be perfect.
& a belief that if I just try hard enough, I can achieve perfection.
So, I go. I do. I try.
I pursue perfection.
Take after take.
Draft after draft.
I go. I do. I try.
Because for some reason there is a part of me that is sure I can get it just right — which I guess is a blessing & a curse.
Because this desire for perfection has led to amazing work… But it has also held me back in more ways than I can count.
From unpublished podcast episodes, Substack drafts, Tik Tok videos & instagram reels to coffee dates falling through, trips going unplanned & outfits remaining unworn…
The need to get it just right has bled into all areas of my life.
But, I am here now. With this new awareness.
& I am being careful not to try & heal this away in the best most perfect way.
I am testing myself.
Seeing how much I can let go.
From filming content & hitting post even though I look exhausted & fumble with my words to sitting down & recording for the podcast & letting the expectations for what I think it should be fall away to getting back on here, writing what’s in my heart & sharing it with the world even though I know more could be said.
It’s acknowledging that if I continue to wait for everything to be perfect I will wait my life away.
Xx, Emma