My mind says hustle, my heart says hold your fcking baby.

// social media has me thinking more is more but living my life reminds me everything we see online is a lie.

In a time where everyone on socials is doing more creating more wanting more chasing more it feels hard to stay true to my heart right now.

Watching as the world keeps turning churning spitting out app’s & algorithms like there’s no tomorrow, I find myself being pulled back into a place I know I do not belong. At least for now.

Because I am not in my turn every moment of my day into content era, I am in my do the best I can without frying my nervous system era.

I am not in my generate 4 new streams of income era, I am in my trust my husband to hold it down era.

I am not in my give give give so people find me useful era, I am in my grateful for those who stick around era.

I am not in my boss babe community building event hosting find me doing the most era, I am in my praying for a full night of sleep era.

I am not in my career is everything era — no.

Because this time of my life?
Is my motherhood era.

My baby comes first era.
My energy is sacred era.
My prioritizing my peace era.
My life is no longer just mine era.

& I would be lying if I said it was easy to surrender to this.

Because each time I log onto socials I am watching my friends, my peers, my entire fyp & feed — do more.

It’s almost hurtful. To what part of me? Not sure. But it hurts. Watching everyone keep on keeping on. Seeing them plan & execute their dreams & goals. Having epic photoshoots, creating intimate community events, posting reels & stories on the daily, providing wisdom + useful information, dropping weekly podcast episodes when I don’t even know if I’ll have the time & energy to sit down & write for this Substack once a week.

It hurts. Seeing people with clear visions of what they want, pursuing it with all they’ve got.

Maybe it’s my inner child that is triggered by it all? Or the perfectionist within me? Idk. But what I do know is that I don’t enjoy feeling this way.

Feeling like… I am missing out, being left behind, becoming irrelevant while others are out there experiencing the opposite.

But! No need to worry.

Because perception is everything. & as I share this I KNOW I know I know I know in my heart that none of it is true.

I am not being left behind, I am simply taking a different path.

One that is unique to me. To my life. My dreams.

It is the path of my destiny.

& we are never late to what is destined for us.

So while social media may feel triggering at times (more often than not) I am doing the work to reprogram my beliefs around who I am & what makes me FEEL worthy.

Because it is clearer than ever that I spent the last 6 years as a holistic health coach, entrepreneur, healer & guide measuring my self worth by how useful, successful & needed I felt online.

To soothe this ache, this hurt, this…. pressure? jealousy? fear? (all of the above) I am practicing better boundaries with what I am consuming, who I am following, & what I am exposing myself to on a daily basis.

I am doubling down on how it feels to BE ME, living MY LIFE.

It’s more journaling & tarot pulls & meditations, yeah.

But it’s also more gazing into my baby’s eyes.
Cooking breakfast with him in my arms.
Dancing to Disney songs & replaying the ones he moves his little body to the most.

It’s placing my hand on my heart & affirming again & again that I am exactly where I am meant to be.

It’s accepting what is because that is the key to getting where I truly want to be.

& the truthiest truth within all of this?

Is that I don’t even WANT to hustle right now.

I don’t want to create & plan & share & go go go.

I don’t want to have an elaborate photo shoot in an oversized blazer, twirling around with a bouquet of flowers. & I certainly I don’t want to host weekly events, be glued to my laptop or give 1,000’s of people my time & energy the way I used to.

But isn’t it crazy that we can get so triggered & so pulled into the lives of others that we are somehow convinced we should be doing things that we don’t even want or desire?

All of this to say… I am learning to let them be them do them (maybe I should read the new Mel Robbins book???) & I am challenging myself to send them love along the way.

Because their success, story & path does not invalidate or take away from my own.

For now, I’ll be doing what I can to honor my heart & what I do want.

Which currently looks like the occasional hot yoga class, homemade nespresso lattes, lotssss of herbal tea & a good spicy novel.

& of course, snuggling my Benny bean.

Xx, Emma