Please hold while I unbox myself (again).

// breaking up with making it make sense.

I am someone who tends to get caught up in defining myself — defining the season, the chapter, the era.

Packaging myself in a pretty little bow so that I can let the world know what to expect from me — to let them know why they should care. Pay attention. Notice. Love.

But doing this leads to frustration. Resentment. Feeling stuck & unable to express myself. Like I am not doing enough. Being enough.

“I told them I was this so I couldn’t possibly be that” — can you feel the suppression?

& no matter how many times I’ve recognized this pattern & broken out of the box I placed myself in — somehow someway I’ll catch myself at it again.

Defining. Explaining. Suffocating.

“Hey it’s me, Emma! & here is what’s happening in a way that makes complete & total sense! I hope my mess of a mind is clean enough for you! I hope the contradiction that is my existence doesn’t drive you away!”

~if my wounded self could speak~

But damn if motherhood doesn’t pull all your sh*t to the surface. There is no hiding. No forcing. It’s constant surrender. With a need for constant flow.

& there is no container or label or package big enough to fit this season of life into. To fit myself into.

Because one day I’m this & the next I’m that.
One moment I’m grieving & the next I’m grounded in gratitude.
One minute I’ve lost hope & the next it’s pouring out of me.

Rhe reason I’ve taken time away from podcasting, writing on substack or sharing in a big way is because if I’m not careful — those are the moments I rush to define. To clarify. To clean up the mess.

The good news is I feel these parts of myself (that only feel worthy if they are *perfect*) starting to heal. Truly heal. Not with force — but with grace. With patience.

Motherhood is stripping me down to the bare bones.
To the truest expression of myself.
The one that makes sense because she doesn’t try to make sense.
The one who laughs & cries & feels all her feelings without rushing to define them.

Who feels wiser than ever & like she knows nothing at all.

& thx to the cosmic chaos of 2025 I am shifting & shedding, loving & learning more than ever before.

With love 🌸

Xx, Emma